Archive for January, 2011

what happened?

I thought you like me, and I like you? We haven’t been on the same page for a while now, and you know I could fall to pieces at the first signs of distance- and I have. Maybe you’ll find this and know its for you. Everything I write is all about you- in hopes that someday you’ll notice.. Someone like me. I need to say something to you, but I just won’t. I’m shy. I’ve always been shy. You won’t hear me ask you to stop and really take a look at me- you won’t because you still make me nervous.

theres a breaking point.

Well, well.. You found the switch- and guess what? Now that what I needed to see came to light- I can now say I finally got one foot OUT the door. When the next door opens, when the next opprotunity comes knocking- its mine, because I deserve better then this. I’ll be out.

and he dragged his feet.

Such a shame, so much is left unsaid.

I don’t know exactly where I want to be, perhaps just an awkward piece of furniture in his busy life. Rearranged and placed right where he wants me to be. One day, I just may go unnoticed and collect dust, waiting to feel useful, to become a necessity. He questions the space I take up, and perhaps my looks have become old- I fear that one day, I will be replaced. Till the day comes I wait… I wait and wait. If only I could get up on my own and find someone who will find use for this boring piece of furniture that’s easily set aside, and perhaps for once, I will feel fulfilled- and not just an awkward piece of furniture in someone’s life.

about us.

Its a wonderland of emotions. He is my King, and humbled just the right amount- he stands tall and protects me. The look in his eyes is powerful and his smile is kind, he knows exactly how to make me laugh. There’s missions I had set before him, none of which were premeditated. He is persistent. Eyes on the prize and all of a sudden he looked away.

Drenched in darkness, forgotten how to be, my light. My king, where could he be? And so I had taken on a journey, and I said I’d never care too much. Time was spent, and I remember when my king was once a prince- saved me I suppose from my lost hope. He became my light, my Prince who guided me through a better path; of joys, and laughter- he diminished the spite.

There to wipe my eyes with all his funny ways to simply say, “hi”. He never let’s me give up, so he tells me when I’m wrong. So when he is right, I let him shine and own the light. He is the bestest friend, I have ever had. Our chemistry is brilliant; sentences finish before they are spoken. The hugs are held on, and the time is spent. Good as a team, but somewhat in between.

And I wait… And I remember-

“He is my King, but I am not his Queen.”

(Incomplete)

Ouch.

There’s possibly a million other factors that can come into play to explain the existing silence that’s growing between myself and another individual- but frankly there’s just one factor the speaks the loudest in my mind- and that factor is pushing me away faster than most other aspects that have nearly shoved me away in the past. Straight answers are hard to find, and I’m growing impatient with the routines that have taken place with the attempts I’ve taken to grow close to this individual.

Point is, I’m very cautious, maybe too cautious for my own good- and when I find myself taking steps back more times than I should you might just find me close lining people to get to the nearest exit asap.

If I can protect my heart with my pride, I will.

What exactly is honesty?

What can we say we really owe anyone anyway? What are we around for when make excuses to why we forgot. “What you give is just what you get- I know it hasn’t hit you yet. I don’t mean to get you upset. But every cause has an affect.” (Lauryn Hill). Some of the things that go round in our minds we the silence is loud we wonder what they’re doing there to begin with. If you let it be, it may just be. I want my breath to be taken away.

Need I say more? “Common baby light my fire- everything you drop is so tired”.

He is my Music-
He’s supposed to inspire.

Every artist has its muse, in most cases the artist needs proof- real heart throbs. The last time this artist felt an absolute heart throb was so long ago that I’m finding enjoyment to an anti-social life. (memories just came crashing) Uh Oh.

And now we will never forget.

Here’s the spill, I think way too much for my own good, and I suppose I want someone who never gets tired of it. I suppose, “good luck” to me should be in order.

I think tonight, tonight was the night I’ve been waiting for – the music, the brush strokes, and all the familiar enjoyments right at the tip of my fingers. I was me again, not this sack doll of emotions, and senseless attachment. I remembered what it’s like to be me. And today called for a new home to place this wandering thoughts.

Hello, ❤ RaeRaes