Archive for March, 2011

going out of my head

Day and night- night and day all night-

Ah, so far my vacation here in Philippines has been night after night of laughter, drinking with my cousins, singing, dancing, amazing food- and heart throbs. In 3 days I leave my sister and my old annual playing grounds as kids for an entirely new experience. I’m so happy we’re sharing this adventure together.

When my sister and I were growing up we used to visit Olongapo, Philippines at least once a year, this is our first time returning in 10 years, (9 for me actually)- so much growing up had to be done. Its amazing how everything appears so much smaller compared to how we remember it. The best part about returning to PI has to be the fact that my sister and I are more interested in shopping like queens, a rare experience we get to embrace back home where everything is ridiculously over priced. What? We’re women on vacation, with money saved from all the hard work we put forth back in the states just to live comfortably.

I suppose a vacation was in order to remind us when we return home we’ll only work even harder to enjoy another trip like this, with added ideas to create an even more exciting trip.

Well, its only day 3, stay tuned! ­čÖé



In no time I’ll be boarding a plane to place I’ve been before for the growing up had to happen. Its strange, what will I tell my cousins? I suppose I could start with my art, they knew I was really into drawing hands the last time they knew me, it was because daddy told me its the most difficult thing for him to draw. They’ve seen the pictures. I can tell them what kind of work I do, and what its like… But other than that, I have no idea what I’m going to talk to them about. Not quite done with school yet, and nothing major serious in line quite yet.. But I suppose just to be able to say I’ve made a huge mess of things at one point, cleaned it up, and I am currently satisfied with the results might be enough. I’m nobody special by any means, but I’m sure they’ll have questions.

I won’t be gone for long, but tonight I’d like to relish in hugs and kisses, snuggles and giggles, and create memorable moments to play on repeat (in my mind), during my trip, thus creating excitement for when its time to say toodles to the sand in my toes and the bright sun on my back.

Time drags when you’re missing someone, wouldn’t it be nice to rest assured that you’re being miss just the same? Sorry folks, that kind of thing only exist in fairy tales.

Uncle Tony

My Uncle Tony is 73 years old, non smoker, non drinker, big Karaoker- He’s hard working, loving, and an amazing father and husband. Pray for his speedy recovery, his family needs him, and wants nothing more but to hear him sing again.



You’re just doing your own thing, you’re happy, and things fall into place. I almost want to admit that I’m a bit scared, but I think I’m mostly enraged and feeling sick. I cannot be bothered with this. Alright Darlings, if you insist I will take all the measures in the world to get Mr. Stupid out of my face, out of my life, out of my world.

I have what I’m looking for, I’m not going to let such a┬áridiculous┬áminded being steal my smiles given to me by all the beautiful people around me whom I choose to surround myself with.

Want to know a secret? I swore I’d never tell, but I’m nothing like you make me out to be.

its the little things that keep me addicted

Love- its real. Our bitter hearts sometimes manipulate us to consider a catch is always involved. Nothing good ever comes easy, and when we find ourselves back tracking down memory lane we begin to build a wall against what’s right in front of us. Love doesn’t need to be physical, nor do titles have any involvement. Love does not need to be reminded with kisses, or holding hands.

You know its love when you get that call, and just the sound of their voice turns your entire day around. When you can talk forever in a crowded room, everyone around you goes dim and that’s the only person you see- if its not Love, what could it possibly be? Its Love when we are afraid, and when I’m afraid just him wrapping his arms around be makes me feel that much more secure.

I’ve given my heart away, entirely. There are no certainties attached that say I will be Loved exactly the same, but every time he comes my way, with all the little things he does; phone calls to ask if I’m awake, text messages just to say hello- I certainly know in my heart of hearts that I am absolutely in Love.

Star crossed Lovers exist- and it doesn’t need to be unfortunate, don’t ever give up hope.

Let change be. Exploring happiness.

So, I want to spend time with pieces of my heart. I grew up with a lot of boys, who have become the foundation of who I am. My life was a little upside down compared to most, but these boys are my family, they are my home away from home. And I am lucky. “Gotta be smart- you gotta think positive- think of the scenarios.”

Where I’m heading

This morning I dragged myself out of bed right at 9:40 am, I probably wouldn’t have gotten out of bed if it weren’t for the Health Department ringing my door bell for probably nearly an hour and my alarm clock violently going off for over an hour. Truth is, most days have been like this for me, but by the time I hopped into the shower I told myself, “not today”. I decided I was not going to reach into my personal medicine cabinet this morning.

The drive to work alone was exhausting, and the first thing I did as I sat at my desk unprepared for another day of repetitive work was decide I do not need to rule out caffeine, but I will limit myself.

I’m trying to adjust myself to normal sleeping habits to ensure that my days, especially nights are well spent and productive.

Frankly the thought of my bed and living within my dreams have been more enjoyable than my reality recently which to me is absolutely absurd. I have no reason to resent my reality, if anything there are more reasons which should have me relishing to be apart of it.

I’m taking on different measures to ensure that the emotions that have come over me recently do not affect the way I feel within my reality, thus proving how much I truly enjoy being apart of this beautiful world. I will not allow the crave for attention, the wanting of companionship to influence my new life that started almost about a year ago. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Enjoy the evening beautiful world and live like you mean it.