Archive for January, 2012

what are you going to do..

I’m just a chump and have explosive anger because anger is the only emotion I feel comfortable expressing. You can’t hurt me when I’m angry. The minute you tell someone whats really in your heart you’ll find them one day calling you dumb. Go figure.

I know I’m a free spirit and I don’t like to commit because I’m so open-minded and blah blah blah. But everyone has their “dealbreakers” and traits that make them happy. I refuse to acknowledge what goals I set, for fear of being limited. Somebody once said that “a goal is just a dream with a deadline.”  Unless I ground myself in a few of those dreams, I may drift from one bad to the next. Why waste time with the wrong when I could be in the right?




The scene takes place in a cozy office place as JeffJ standing at 6’4″, at 195 lbs practices flashes his “pretend badge” as we plot a mock interrogation on a man who says he fears his life, so KTLA decided to broadcast his exact location, unit number, and first name. AWESOME. Thanks KTLA, Ben said “poor guy he’ll be dead in two days”. The most astonishing part of the report was that they mention how private of a man the deceased was and how no one knew of his living boyfriend- but hey he’s dead now so let’s go ahead and air out all his dirty laundry. There’s little respect for the dead, and even for those who are closely related.


But here’s our game plan to getting to the bottom of this mysterious gruesome killing;

Jeffj (swinging out his wallet flipping it open just like in the movies but unfortunately his library card flies out so he blurts out a quick thought)

“THAT’S MY LIBRARY CARD! I carry it with me everywhere, helps with my investigation. That’s how I found you”

with quick minds like ours, we’ll be able to solve this case without any credentials.  CASE SOLVED.

the calm before the storm

So a friend commented on my last post (which I deleted because it was horribly depressing and I decided I do not want to feel that way so conveniently I erased it), he said, “Misery Loves Company” and I just want to say that statement brought some color back in the room, and I remembered how easy it is. There’s hope kiddos, there’s hope. So thanks Mostafa Jalal!

being shy sucks!

Sometimes I hate that I’m shy. If I wasn’t so shy, I’d sing more karaoke (sober even!), I would play dance revolution (have never, not once ever played dance revolution). I would probably do stand up comedy about my mom (what, she’s funny). If I wasn’t so shy, most people wouldn’t think I’m stuck up when they first meet me. I weird out when I’m trying to introduce myself to someone- get a little alcohol in me and that’s a different story!

Its just I feel like it makes me socially awkward sometimes, and maybe if I wasn’t all jittery and nervous I would be able to approach situations in life differently. I probably then would have less fears. I probably then would have less regrets. I don’t ever just say what I mean to say, I’m so shy that I just choke up. I’m no fun in an arguement- dead silence.

Just sayin sometimes I hate being shy.

ALRIGHT where’s the cure? Give it up. C’mon.


better days are ahead of me

This I know for sure. I’m me today, I’m not  into cover ups or fake smiles today. I just want to be me and feel what I feel. That’s it, that’s all. OneLove.

im just not like that

I don’t care about a bunch of people knowing who I am or being famous and admired. I do care a lot about what other people are feeling and if my presence fulfills them. The moderately distribute attention. Often I’m discouraged and unattached to requested attention, like what difference does it make? I’m not the most important person commenting on that stuff anyway, clearly my imput goes unacknowledged. People are stupid sometimes, and tend to put too much care in commercialized life styles. Can’t we all just be talented in our own ways and share it for the love of art? Versus, hey check me out and cover me in diamonds and gold and make sure everyone knows me.. I don’t believe in idols its false ego. And that’s all I have to say about that.


i will fix you

She does the same thing every day. Its routine, she can work every day, and drive a car because she’s on auto-pilot. But to say will she be able to learn new routines outside of her 5 year day-to-day? Well, I don’t know that for sure. Lately you need to be prepared to hear the same story twice, or asked the same question, again and again. I get a little frustrated. I hate repeating myself, which is why written words are my favorite way to get my point across; but my frustration won’t fix her. I need to find other things for her to do, I need her to interact with me. I’m going to start by telling her rhymes, and asking her to repeat them back to me the very next day. She’s got quite the sense of humor so they will be enjoyable to remember. I won’t ever let her believe she forgets, because our thoughts in our minds, are stronger than we know. We must keep the brain strong, because ultimately the brain says what goes. There is always a solution. Always.