the calm before the storm

So a friend commented on my last post (which I deleted because it was horribly depressing and I decided I do not want to feel that way so conveniently┬áI erased it), he said, “Misery Loves Company” and I just want to say that statement brought some color back in the room, and I remembered how easy it is. There’s hope kiddos, there’s hope. So thanks Mostafa Jalal!

being shy sucks!

Sometimes I hate that I’m shy. If I wasn’t so shy, I’d sing more karaoke (sober even!), I would play dance revolution (have never, not once ever played dance revolution). I would probably do stand up comedy about my mom (what, she’s funny). If I wasn’t so shy, most people wouldn’t think I’m stuck up when they first meet me. I weird out when I’m trying to introduce myself to someone- get a little alcohol in me and that’s a different story!

Its just I feel like it makes me socially awkward sometimes, and maybe if I wasn’t all jittery and nervous I would be able to approach situations in life differently. I probably then would have less fears. I probably then would have less regrets. I don’t ever just say what I mean to say, I’m so shy that I just choke up. I’m no fun in an arguement- dead silence.

Just sayin sometimes I hate being shy.

ALRIGHT where’s the cure? Give it up. C’mon.

raeraes

better days are ahead of me

This I know for sure. I’m me today, I’m not ┬áinto cover ups or fake smiles today. I just want to be me and feel what I feel. That’s it, that’s all. OneLove.

im just not like that

I don’t care about a bunch of people knowing who I am or being famous and admired. I do care a lot about what other people are feeling and if my presence fulfills them. The moderately distribute attention. Often I’m discouraged and unattached to requested attention, like what difference does it make? I’m not the most important person commenting on that stuff anyway, clearly my imput goes unacknowledged. People are stupid sometimes, and tend to put too much care in commercialized life styles. Can’t we all just be talented in our own ways and share it for the love of art? Versus, hey check me out and cover me in diamonds and gold and make sure everyone knows me.. I don’t believe in idols its false ego. And that’s all I have to say about that.

raeraes

i will fix you

She does the same thing every day. Its routine, she can work every day, and drive a car because she’s on auto-pilot. But to say will she be able to learn new routines outside of her 5 year day-to-day? Well, I don’t know that for sure. Lately you need to be prepared to hear the same story twice, or asked the same question, again and again. I get a little frustrated. I hate repeating myself, which is why written words are my favorite way to get my point across; but my frustration won’t fix her. I need to find other things for her to do, I need her to interact with me. I’m going to start by telling her rhymes, and asking her to repeat them back to me the very next day. She’s got quite the sense of humor so they will be enjoyable to remember. I won’t ever let her believe she forgets, because our thoughts in our minds, are stronger than we know. We must keep the brain strong, because ultimately the brain says what goes. There is always a solution. Always.

raeraes

scrambled mind

I like your hair a lot it reminds me of a fun time, and when I sleep I sleep alone-no matter what you say- even if you do, I don’t really care- I’m a lot like you.

It’s that same old sickness- gotta couple more things missing- “hello, this is your captain speaking, & this ship is rapidly sinking.” Couldve stayed, couldve slept in instead. Time is running out, so you hold your breath to find out its over now. My life- no lost, no cause- I’ll act like I do. Gonna get free, got to get fresh. Can’t rest can’t wait- this ship is sinking now.

while i wait

I just wanted to say, that I’ve been quite busy lately, not that I’m constantly doing something, but my mind and heart has been busy. I’m in a world of complete bliss. I cannot be disturbed. I’m exactly where I want to be, in the arms of love.

raeraes